Brings back all these thoughts. I wrote this when I felt overwhelmed and it actually helped me. No change on my MRI scan will, temporarily at least, release a lot of these feelings.
I am in my 5th year since being diagnosed with incurable brain cancer. I should be happy right? Well, sometimes yes, sometimes no. Its complicated. There have been many occasions that I didn't think I would make it this far. I feel incredibly fortunate, but even now I am still picking up all the pieces and coping with a 'new normal'. You learn to cope better with time, but its like grieving for a life lost. There is a new me that I don't recognise and have had to get to know, even if the essence of who I am stays the same, if you look closely behind the eyes can tell a different story. Sometimes people may just think I should leave it behind me and 'get on with it', but I can't, as, like it or not, its with me every day and I am scarred by it. The invisible disabilities,- the uncertainty,- and 'living in the moment' is how I live. day by day. I have to... and I have little choice. Every day I experience some type of brain dysfunction that keeps me ...
Next month will be very special for me. After 2 and a half years of recovery both mentally and physically from my brain haemorrhage that led to my cancer diagnosis and the subsequent problems associated with that I am finally ready to go back to my studies. It's a huge thing for me and a big step as I still have invisible disabilities that affect me on a day to day basis despite my vast improvements I have made symptomatically and through positive scan results. I have made the decision to study Human and Medical Science full time at the University of Westminster where my studies were cruelly cut short by this disease. Going back will feel quite surreal as I honestly never thought it would be possibly and I was unsure of my short term future but here I am! I still don't look too far into the future but I am realistically optimistic. I feel as though I can make a real difference with my studies and hope to push through with my own research through my personal experiences and m...
There is so much I could write about this issue and it has dominated my day so far. I've been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone lately while trying to stay safe at the same time. I feel as though I push myself right to the edge at times but then I take measures to stop just before I get there. This is what life with 'reflex epilepsy' is all about for me. I get 'auras' throughout the day and I avoid triggers to try and stop the progression into a full seizure. Today I felt disoriented when going for a walk and felt like I was floating accompanied by light-headed ness and impaired concentration. After I say down for a while and took my 'emergency snack' I was getting better and once I had arrived home I felt exhausted so had a rest in bed. I had really pushed myself walking for an hour in total with rest breaks but I did get some bizarre sensations around my craniotomy scar. It seems to be related to changes in heart rate, fatigue, blood sugar chan...
Comments
Post a Comment